Silenced Voices

Rev Gillian Cooke MA BD

This part describes the English situation, although we also need to remember that the plight of gay people in many countries is far worse than in Britain. A recent letter in the Church Times points out that most of those Anglican Primates who are most vociferously opposed 'preside in countries that are among those with the most repressive legislation and worst human-rights abuses against gay and lesbian people in the world. Amnesty International, refugee workers and many human-rights groups can testify to this' (Church Times, 29 August 2003). Gay people were a target for persecution in the Holocaust, but are frequently forgotten victims at remembrance events. In discussing the situation at home, let us not forget these others. As Alex Adkins points out 'The refusal to enter sympathetically into the experience of your neighbour is certainly not part of traditional Christian teaching' (Aspects of Human Sexuality: Responses to being Gay/Lesbian and being Christian, a Consultation at Edward King House, Lincoln, 1-3 December 1995).

According to the 1991 Bishop's Statement, 'The Church has begun to listen to its homophile brothers and sisters, and must deepen and extend that listening, finding through joint prayer and reflection a truer understanding and the love that casts out fear' (5.24). This aspiration would be good, but in practice the reverse so often seems to happen. Heterosexual men and women are free to voice their views about homosexuality openly, whether or not what they say is knowledgeable, ignorant or plainly libellous and offensive. In contrast to this, those who know from the inside what it is like to grow up and live as a gay or lesbian person in our society risk being ostracised or persecuted if they are open and honest.

The Bishops' 'rule' on gay clergy which has often been summed up in the words 'don't ask, don't tell', is a clear example of this. It is, in fact, a command to 'keep silent' and not to share openly their experience. Unfortunately, as Jeffrey John points out, this tends to distort the picture in the church, particularly among those Bishops who are known to have negative views: 'The only gay clergy they get to know about are the ones who get into trouble. They are then prone to view all gay people in the same light - which bolsters the negative views they had in the first place.... Several bishops seem quite unaware of the numbers of gay clergy in their dioceses who live good, sustaining and faithful gay partnerships. One or two have even announced that they have no practising gay clergy in their diocese at all, to the grim amusement of the 'non-existent clergy in question!' (p.41) Those priests who have offered a ceremony to same sex couples, have found that most will choose lifelong vows and that the durability of these relationships is at least as good as those taking marriage vows, even though the latter have more legal and social support and the former have constantly to cope with hostility from the church and society generally. It is a myth that the majority of gay men are naturally promiscuous - a small number are, but the remainder are less promiscuous than the average heterosexual man. The vast majority of those who are arrested for cottaging are married men and others who keep their sexuality secret and those not in stable relationships.

The depth of commitment and capacity for self-sacrificing love has been seen most clearly in the way the gay community have responded to the AIDS epidemic. If Christ's words that we can distinguish false prophets from good by their fruits mean anything, we can surely see evidence of it here. Elizabeth Stuart comments 'It revealed the extraordinary love, devotion and sense of connectedness and kinship that exists in the lesbian and gay community' (Dancing in the Spirit, p.82). Sadly gay partners may receive no recognition. Jeffrey John states 'The experience of AIDS produced countless heartbreaking stories of gay partners, one of whom had nursed the other through sickness, being separated from one another at the deathbed and funeral by hostile parents, who in law were accorded the final right to the body of a son whom they might have rejected and ignored for years' (p.52). Gay couples lack the rights that married couples enjoy over home, property and recognition of being next of kin when it comes to sickness and funeral arrangements. As a matter of social justice he feels legal recognition for such partnerships is essential, something which is again opposed by Christian traditionalists.

Jeffrey John considers that the Bishops' Statement which demands celibacy from gay and lesbian clergy is mistaken. He points to the Statement's acceptance of gay laity, whose relationships are to be accepted and supported by their fellow Christians, recognising that 'such couples can be a "blessing" to the world around them and .... achieve great, even heroic sacrifice and devotion'. The Bishops demand celibacy from gay clergy on the basis that the clergy are called to be role models. This, John believes, is a false argument, because there is a need for gay Christians to be role models of permanent, faithful, stable relationships within the secular gay scene. Furthermore, 'Knowing an ordinary gay couple is the best antidote to prejudice and the best way of destroying the ludicrous stereotypes and suspicions that still lurk in the mind of many.... Fortunately, this does seem to be the most frequent experience of clergy and others who take the risk of letting their relationships be known to those around them. It is only by helping good relationships to be seen that healing will come - for everyone.' (p.54) Sadly, the Church so often ensures that this witness is invisible and silent.

Nevertheless, it is not just within the Church, but in society generally that this silencing goes on and it begins early. Even though gay and lesbian people are more visible today, our society is still basically straight. Most young people will be brought up in families which reflect this, even if some of these are one parent families. (This is in no way a criticism of heterosexual families, but simply to point out that as a predominantly white society needs to address the needs of ethnic minorities, so a predominantly heterosexual society also needs to look at the needs of those who are gay and lesbian.) As a young person grows up they and others will expect that they will be attracted to the opposite sex, eventually marry (or live together with their partner) and produce children. Adolescents want to be affirmed by their peers and having a desirable boyfriend or girlfriend is part of that.

A gay or lesbian young person will realise that they do not quite fit in with these expected norms. Sometimes they may try to conform in an effort to appear 'normal'. In addition, despite all the efforts of schools, bullying does happen, and 'gay' and 'lesbian' are today used as terms of abuse, whether or not those terms describe the targeted victim. All this contributes to creating a hostile environment for the gay young person struggling with their sexuality. This lowers their self-respect and they may feel very isolated, since they may well not know others who are like themselves, even if outwardly they seem to be a part of a social group.

The notorious Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1986 states that 'A local authority shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality or promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship'. Section 28 created a climate of fear and confusion for teachers. Although schools and teachers may have wanted to provide support and guidance to all their pupils, many were very fearful about discussing homosexuality in sex education, even though they were not actually covered by this legislation. Well funded Christian fundamentalist groups such as the Christian Institute have vociferously campaigned to keep Section 28, and to keep out of schools any published material about homosexuality which would inform the gay or lesbian young person and help change the attitudes of those who use these terms as forms of abuse. The pressure to 'promote the family', and against same sex partnerships as 'pretend family relationships', silences any informed debate.

Those gay young people who seek counselling from the Church may find clergy and other Christians sensitive and helpfully informed, but this is far from certain. It is often stressed that the Church wants to strengthen marriage. The gay young person may well be counselled and encouraged to marry and not to tell their intended partner, with the assumption that it will 'cure' their gayness. Of course, such advice is likely to be disastrous, not only for the gay or lesbian person themselves, but also for their spouse and any children they may subsequently have. Such ill-informed counselling contributes nothing to creating strong marriages.

To 'come out' and declare one's sexuality is an act of courage for the gay or lesbian person. Firstly, a person has to decide who to tell and when to tell. Will their close friends reject them, will their colleagues ridicule them and will they find that their status at work is affected by being open? If they are in professions that have care of children they may well be seen as wanting to seduce those in their care. This comparison is a completely unwarranted myth, since gay and lesbian people are no more likely to abuse than heterosexuals. Nevertheless this powerful myth has currency even among those who ought to be better informed and was frequently raised in the debate to lower the age of consent for gay men so that it was the same as for heterosexuals and lesbian women, ie 16. For example, the Catholic peer Lord Longford (in so many areas a champion of the underdog but clearly not of homosexuals) stated in the House of Lords debate 'If some elderly schoolmaster seduced one of my sons it would damage him for life.' This unfounded demonisation, of gay men in particular, is a sad reminder of all those groups who in the past were persecuted because they were perceived as different.

On the positive side, many organisations now have an equal opportunities policy which aims to ensure that employees 'should not receive less favourable treatment, directly or indirectly, on the grounds of .... sexual orientation'. Although such policies are not entirely effective, they do give gay people the right to complain when they suffer discrimination. Furthermore, the European Human Rights legislation places an obligation on the British Government to ensure that its state legislation does not discriminate against gay people. Unfortunately the Church of England has used its political influence to gain exemptions for religious organisations. This means that those organisations which claim a religious affiliation could sack a gay and lesbian employee on the basis of sexuality alone. The pressure to remain silent and invisible is often overwhelming.

Gay and lesbian people are sometimes asked why they see the need to 'come out' rather than simply keep quiet. One lesbian woman minister challenged in this way by a fellow student chaplain replied 'Why should I? You don't have to hide your relationships'. The alternative to coming out is to remain silent. This places a tremendous burden on the gay person which may cause psychological damage and isolation of that person who must constantly fear being outed by others.

Too often gay people in our churches are invisible. The response to a request for a parish to make known its welcome of gay people is likely to be 'we don't have any gay people here ', and that such a course of events would upset some existing members. But how do we know that A or B is not gay or lesbian? The church's frequent censorious and hostile comments makes it likely that a person will not want to reveal their sexuality even if they are a regular communicant. This even happens in churches where there are clergy who are not themselves hostile.

Even more revealing is a report on Christian Homophobia, which gives numerous examples of the ways in which Christian gay people have suffered at the hands of their fellow believers. Clergy and lay people whose faith was an integral part of their lives have been forced out of the Churches. Many of these had given much fruitful service to the church but as the report comments, 'Honesty and openness are not rewarded by the churches whereas deceit and secrecy are' (Christian Homophobia, Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement pub. 2000, p.7). In answer to the criticism by some that to change the Church's traditional teaching is tantamount to idolatry, Elizabeth Stuart points out 'It is an odd sort of idolater that seeks to serve the Church and to have the Church recognise and bless their love' (The Way Forward, essay Dancing in the Spirit, p.82).

Some of the people whose experiences are described in the report on Christian Homophobia have left the Church; some may mourn their loss of the Christian contact, but cannot face returning. Others have lost their faith and, as one man recently said, feel a deep-seated phobia about ever entering church again, although such people listen keenly to Church debates about homosexuality. Can such behaviour by Christians and the Church really reflect the love of God?

Furthermore the scant regard for truth in what is published in Christian literature is alarming. Homosexuality is linked to paedophilia and information from legitimate reports is misused and misquoted. Throughout, there seems to be a continual denial of the contemporary scientific view that sexuality is innate and normal and cannot be changed. How can churches who claim to preach 'The Truth' have such scant regard for truth? Gay people are more likely to be victims of crime rather than commit it. The evidence of criminology has demonstrated that those who are excluded from mainstream society are more likely to be targets of crime and this is certainly true for gay people, who may suffer 'gay bashing' by heterosexual young males. The Church's 'moral' campaigns add to their stigmatisation and far too little effort goes into supporting and befriending.

When Peter Tatchell gatecrashed General Synod in July 2003 and upbraided the Church for their harsh treatment of gay and liberal people, many left because they were not prepared to listen. However, many others stayed, including the two Archbishops. Views will differ about the politics of his intervention, but many realised they agreed with what he said. If the Church is serious about listening to its lesbian and gay members it will need to listen to the silenced voices as well as the angry ones. As the report from Lincoln quoted earlier says, 'The refusal to enter sympathetically into the experience of your neighbour is certainly not part of traditional Christian teaching'.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

• Aspects of Human Sexuality: Responses to being Gay/Lesbian and being Christian, A consultation at Edward King House, 1-3 December 1995 (Edward King House, Lincoln).
• Christian Homophobia (Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement, 2000)
• Issues in Human Sexuality: A Statement by the House of Bishops (pub. Church House Publishing, 1991).
• 'Permanent, Faithful, Stable', Jeffrey John (Darton, Longman and Todd, 1993)
• 'Dancing in the Spirit' by Elizabeth Stuart in The Way Forward ed. by Timothy Bradshaw (pub. SCM Press, 2003 edition).